What is Domestic Violence?

Domestic violence is about POWER and CONTROL over another person. It is a learned behavior. Batterers learn from their family members or friends. It is not caused by an illness, drugs or alcohol, although the use of drugs and alcohol may increase the violent behavior in abusers. It is also not caused by the victims’ behavior, the children’s behavior or a relationship problem.

Domestic violence is power and control by one partner over another in a dating, live-in or married relationship or between household members. Types of control can be physical, emotional, economic or sexual or by threats and isolation from friends and family.

Helping a friend

It is often difficult to know what to do or say to someone who is being abused. Every situation – as well as the people involved – is different. But there are ways you can help.

  • Understand the dynamics of domestic violence. Understand that Hope, Shame and Fear are powerful control factors.
  • Listen to the person being abused and let them know you care. Trust your own instincts about your own safety.
  • Encourage them to take the threats seriously. Encourage him or her to seek the assistance of a domestic violence advocate or law enforcement agency.
  • If the abuser should become violent again, develop a code word or pack an emergency bag in case the person being abused needs to leave quickly. Develop a safety plan with them.

Am I being abused?

Various actions and activities are considered abuse. Some early warning signs of abuse include:

  • Quick, whirlwind romance.
  • The abuser wants to be with you all the time, tracking your time, what you’re doing and who you’re with.
  • Abuser shows jealousy at any attention paid to you by others
  • Abuser isolates you from friends and family ("You don’t need to go to work or school, we only need each other.")
  • Abuser blames the victim for the abuse.

Abuse can come in many forms. For example, does your partner:

  • Embarrass you with put-downs?
  • Look at you or act in ways that scare you?
  • Control what you do, who you see or talk to or where you go?
  • Stop you from seeing your friends or family members?
  • Take your money or Social Security check, make you ask for money or refuse to give you money?
  • Make all of the decisions?
  • Tell you that you’re a bad parent or threaten to take away or hurt your children?
  • Prevent you from working or attending school?
  • Prevent you from working or attending school?
  • Act like the abuse is no big deal, it’s your fault, or even deny doing it?
  • Destroy your property or threaten to kill your pets?
  • Intimidate you with guns, knives or other weapons?
  • Shove you, slap you, choke you, or hit you?
  • Force you to try and drop charges?
  • Threaten to commit suicide?
  • Threaten to kill you?

An answer of “yes” to ANY of these questions could be a sign of abuse. Please contact Winner Resource Center for help at 605-842-2736 to speak with an advocate.

-"Am I Being Abused" questions courtesy of http://www.ndvh.org